Certain Trainer

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a history of not always speaking up for myself.

Not necessarily so anymore.

I finally hit that threshold--the one that people all my life have told me I would hit--where I just don't have the time or energy for taking shit, anymore. No, I haven't gone to the other extreme--(as much as you may like to imagine me telling off the old lady with the slow moving shopping cart ahead me, it's not likely to happen)--but I have reached a point where I am growing more and more comfortable with my own life and belief systems and self, and if you do something out of line, I will confront you.

Especially, particularly, certainly if it has to do with my dog.

Case in point: a certain dog-trainer who runs a certain class at a certain animal training facility, who publicly humiliated me got an irate mouthful from me after class, and I think she was honestly surprised that I had it in me.

Here is what happened. I had been in New Zealand for four weeks and clearly missed some of Luna's training. Besides her level training, she goes to a weekly tricks and games class, where she has learned how to hop over things, crawl through tunnels, etcetera.

In celebration of my return, I attended this class with Luna and Stacia. Stacia had been going to the class for a few weeks, and had the training signals down pat. I had not tried taking Luna through an "agility course" ever, and after watching for a few turns, and on Stacia's encouragement, I decided to try. This wasn't a professional agility course--it was set up for dogs and their owners who are learning how to do some of the skills. For beginners, essentially. And so Stacia assured me that I would do fine, that we were all learning, that I might as well give it a try.

I took Luna through once, doing my very best to do exactly what Stacia had done--treat Luna here, call her now, have her sit here--and was in line for a second turn when the Certain Trainer looked at me and scrrrreamed, "STOP, EVERYONE! STOP YOUR DOGS!"

The roomful of dog owners and dogs stopped, dead in their tracks. Everyone had been running the agility course, but now the room was silent. I was standing right in front of Certain Trainer, and she grabbed Luna from me, didn't look at me, but looked across the room to Stacia, who had been sitting in an observer's chair, while I learned the course.

"Sta....Stacey? What's your name again?" she asked in a loud, commanding voice.

"Uh, it's Stacia," Stacia said, looking frazzled. All eyes were on us.

Certain Trainer yelled across the silent room, "Can you come over here and take over your dog?" She motioned to me and said, "She doesn't know how to do this. She has never handled Luna in class before, and Luna's behavior is falling apart."

Certain Trainer patted my shoulder and said condescendingly, "You didn't do anything wrong, honey."

I felt simultaneously stupid, patronized, and pissed off. And at the moment, I had no words. I was embarrassed, and everyone was looking at us, because she has stopped everything in order to yell out loud what a horrible job I had done with Luna.

Stacia obediently stood up and walked across the room and took Luna. I (with my proverbial tail between my legs) sauntered over to the observer's chair and sat down to pout.

And as class started moving again, my pouting transformed into pure, unadulterated anger.

How dare she? In front of the whole class! Stopping everything! Saying Luna's behavior was "falling apart," because of me! And not looking me in the eye, not even looking at me the entire time! And then patting my shoulder and calling me, "honey!" What the fuck! Who did she think she was?

Sitting amidst my own trembling wrath, I watched the rest of class go by in a red-hued blur. Stacia and Luna, whizzing past--and what was this? Luna missing the jumps with Stacia leading her? Aha--proof that her behavior didn't fall apart because of me--she was making the same mistakes with Stacia! She was tired, surely. End of the day, sleepy puppy, regardless of which mama takes the lead.

When class finally finished (it took all of my strength to stay in the room and not storm out and wait in the car), I wordlessly stood up and walked with Stacia and Luna to the door.

Certain Trainer was waiting for us there. "Oh, hon," she said, touching my arm, "You're not mad at me, are you?"

And that was it. Red. Steamy. Hot. Anger. Searing!

If we were dogs, we would have settled this physically. I would have snarled and lunged at her, to let her know I was angry. She would have backed off and bowed, to tell me that she was only playing. I wouldn't have believed her, and I probably would have tackled her and shown off my fierce teeth until she went into a submissive pose and whimpered.

But we are not dogs, and I am not the kind to attack a stranger, however inappropriately she has treated me. And so, with a shaky voice, I said, "I am Luna's owner too, and next time, talk to me about what I am doing wrong, not my partner."

That's all I said, but it was so unexpected, and I said it with so much fervor and venom that I could feel the eyes of the other class members growing large with respect for my bravery. (I don't think anyone has ever stood up to Certain Trainer before--she carries a certain don't-mess-with-me kind of aura that lends itself to getting away with being an ass.) Certain Trainer (who kept touching my arm, my hand, my shoulder), said, "Oh, hon! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to embarrass you. My bad. I'm so sorry, hon. Don't be mad at me!"

Yikes. I thanked her for her apology, and Stacia and I left. I was still shaking and felt...a mixture of relief and ickiness.

We walked in silence to the car. I didn't know whether Stacia was humiliated by me or proud of me, but when we got into the car, she turned to me and said, "Look at my girlfriend, standing up for herself! Way to go!"

At which point I broke down into tears, because although I had confronted Certain Trainer, I still had been affected by the experience, and had plenty of insecurity brewing about my ability as a dog owner. Stacia consoled me and told me she was proud of me, that I had done nothing wrong and that Certain Trainer is abrasive and it's time that someone called her on it. We had to run some errands, and I waited in the car with Luna while Stacia picked up a few groceries.

She came out with yellow flowers and hug for me.

I love my girlfriend and my dog. I am pretty lucky.

Here are some pictures of Luna--you can see why I would be deeply offended at the slightest hint that my relationship or work with her isn't beneficial. She makes up the most important part of my day, every day.

And my heart isn't big enough to hold all the love I have for her.