Guitar Class Misogyny

It's the second day of Guitar Class. This week I am teaching 4th, 5th, and 6th graders, mostly a class of boys, there is one quiet girl who shyly asked if we could sing something from The Sound of Music in the midst of the boys' requests for hard rock, "shredding" (I don't even know what that is) and riffs from Guitar Hero.

These kids (save for the little Julie Andrews) are not impressed with my folk-singer's voice or my repertoire of children's songs. They want Queen, they want Iron Maiden, they want to sing songs I would be embarrassed to teach them.

One kid, a skinny, itty-bitty nine-year-old boy, who looks more like a six-year-old, raised his hand when I asked, "What kinds of songs are you interested in learning?" The itty-bitty rocker said, in his very small child voice, "Can we play 'Big-Bottomed Ladies?'"

I blinked. There was a chorus of, "Yeah," and "That's a good one!" from four other very small boys. Julie Andrews was quiet.

"I don't know that one," I said, feeling perturbed that these children seem to think it's okay to listen to a song called Big Bottom Ladies and then request that their Twenty-Something Female Guitar Teacher teach it to them. I also felt furious that such a song exists. Granted, I don't know what the song really says, but it sounds like objectification to me. Maybe we should talk about this in guitar class.

I feel like there is a huge culture gap between me and these fifth grade boys. I mean, I want to sing Joan Baez and they want to sing about women's butts and smash their guitars.

Yesterday, another kid starting ripping on Beethoven, saying his music sounds like "High School Musical high-note opera crap." For that, too, I blinked and felt perturbed, and then I took about ten minutes of classtime to talk about Beethoven and his struggles as a composer and musician. By the end of my soapbox lecture, the kids were thinking it's pretty cool to write music when you're deaf. I told them that if anyone rips on Beethoven without being able to play a piece by Beethoven, I'm going to make the executive decision that our recital is strictly classical music, so that they can all spend some time appreciating it. I did not address the "high note opera crap," but the next kid who says anything near to that is going to get a solo recital of opera arias. And, anyway, Beethoven only wrote one opera, and the main character is a mezzo who plays a gender-bending role, so I don't know what this kid is talking about.

Nor did I even attempt to redeem High School Musical crap. He may have had a point there.

So, for now, I am educating myself in the ways of hard rock. But there will be NO Smoke on the Water (unfailingly, two out of the six kids in this class walked in bragging about being able to play Smoke on the Water before they even introduced themselves to me, blah blah blah, I'm so sick of that stupid boring song I can't even tell you).

Any suggestions for hard rock songs for a classroom full of macho nine-year olds with tune-slipping acoustic guitars who are being taught by a classically-trained soprano and feminist folk-singer?